Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Internet Isn't Real, Kids...

Cash Johnson one more time with a general malaise of updates for everyone. First, there are plans for an Adeptus Mechanicus Imperial Guard army afoot, mainly because I want a smaller guard army that still has badass looking models with lots of firepower. Second, I have been added to the roster for Team Megan's Law to travel to Adepticon in April for the 40k tournament (yay, Dark Eldar). Third, I hate younger players...

The day started off well enough with a 2,000 point game, my Flesh Tearers versus a friend's Tau. My list was fairly straight forward:

- Reclusiarch in Terminator Armour
- Furioso Dreadnought with Frag Cannon/Heavy Flamer in Drop Pod with Locator Beacon
- 8 Sternguard with Plasma Gun in Drop Pod
- 8 Sternguard with Plasma Gun in Drop Pod (again)
- 10 Assault Marines with 2 Meltaguns mounted in a Land Raider Redeemer
- 10 Assault Marines with 2 Meltaguns and Jump Packs
- 10 Tactical Marines with Missile Launcher and Plasma Gun
- 15 Death Company (8 Bolt Pistol/CC, 7 Boltgun/CC)

The mission was 4 objectives, 12" deployment. Long story short, 4 turns later I won 3-0 (called on account of not being able to dig me out in time). Sadly, it seemed one sided from the outset, as I deployed and went first, gunned everything I could towards the center objective while remaining camped on the two that were nearest to my deployment zone. While my opponent played valiantly, the three drop pods did their job of driving a spike into his front line Turn 1, then reinforcing the gap Turn 3 (murdering his Crisis Suits with rapid fire). All in all, a solid, decisive victory for Cash. I celebrated with Burger King.

Then the end of the day took a sour turn. A random kid came into the store, probably 14, and wanted a game. I decided to play him because I was the only one with 40k today, and its hard to hide an entire battle company in plain sight. He proceeded to tell me about his list: two Slaanesh Lash Princes, 3 squads of 3 Obliterators, and 3 Plague Marine squads with dual Meltagun in Possessed Rhinos, and how amazing and great his list was. I decided to teach him a lesson:

- Librarian in Terminator Armour, Blood Lance, Might of Heroes
- 5 Assault Terminators (2 Hammer/Shield)
- 2 Sanguinary Priests (1 Termie with Termies, 1 Standard in Sternguard)
- 8 Sternguard with a Plasma Gun in a Drop Pod
- 10 Tactical Marines, Plasma Cannon, Plasma Gun
- 10 Assault Marines with 2 Meltaguns on foot
- 5 Tactical Marines with Plasma Pistol
- 3 Attack Bikes with Multi-Meltas
- 2 Dreadnoughts, Lascannon/Missile Launcher
- 5 Devastators, 4 Missile Launchers

In three turns (his dad came to pick him up XD) I murdered one Oblit squad in cover, one Daemon Prince (in a single Shooting Phase), and took 2 wounds off the other prince with bolters (hooray special ammunition wounding on a 2+). I would have killed the second prince in combat with the termies, plus destroyed two of his rhinos AND the squads inside them in the next turn if we were able to go to Turn 4 - four meltas at point blank range, plus ALL my shooting at the squads inside, plus charging whatever was left. I do so love those moments where everything falls apart in a single turn and you're left shrugging as an apology for all the sodomy that ensued, but proving myself right is just as fun.

I won the game regardless, simply because in his haste to destroy everything that I owned, he failed to remember the most important rule of 40k: missions that use objectives require you to BE ON objectives (it was Capture and Control). I camped both Dreads, the Devastators and the 10 man Tac Squad on my objective, while he parked a Rhino in front of his, only too far up to actually control it.

The reason he took the list, mind you, was the Internet said it was a great list and it was unstoppable. I was able to stop it pretty cold, and with a list that wasn't even broken to begin with. Which leads me to ask, why do people build lists they see on the net without even doing research? Obviously that list worked for someone else at some other time, so why do they think it will work for them at all? This kid thought 9 Plasma Cannons would be great against my footslog marines, yet he lost 2 Obliterators' remaining wounds from Gets Hot, and the rest from insta-splat missiles. Neither of his princes did anything useful with their Lashes, and he even failed a charge through cover to get at my termies, who would have delivered savage beatings to the wounded prince that remained in the next turn. He parked his Rhinos to "block" me from getting to his objective, despite the fact I had 4 Meltas within 3" of both, plus a third squad to charge the surviving passengers with.

So if you're reading this, and you think you saw a pretty good list elsewhere on the internet and you want to build it for your own, remember this: just because someone else is Billy Badass with it, doesn't mean you are either. An idiot with a loaded gun has just as much chance of shooting himself.

- Cash

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